Will this activity bring happiness and growth to our child? Does this activity fit us well as a family?
These are the questions that we ask whenever a new opportunity presents itself to our kids — which, as our kids get older, is increasingly often. From dance to soccer to field hockey to crafts to swimming to biking, our kids love to be active. And as parents, we love to see their enthusiasm to learn a new skill, make new friends, and find joy in movement.
And yet, if we jump at every chance to “enrich” our children’s lives with a new activity, pretty soon there will be no time left for an unscheduled childhood. And truth be known, we cherish our unhurried and unplanned moments too.
If we make space for unplanned time, usually the good stuff of life fills it in — baking gingerbread cookies, taking a family bike ride around the neighborhood, reading a good book together. And sometimes, in those moments, our kids take the lead, allowing us parents to relinquish the title of supreme activity organizer.
With our kids leading the way, we can marvel at their imaginations and allow their interests to develop. Sometimes they create make-believe worlds, sometimes they overturn small rocks in search of interesting bugs, sometimes they play a game as simple as tag. When our kids have the freedom and space to choose what comes next, they are exercising their will and their imagination in profound ways.
As our children get older, we find ourselves more and more balancing this freedom with new organized activities. And that is why we ask ourselves these two questions:
Will this activity bring joy, happiness and growth to our child?
Does this activity fit us well as a family?
The first question pushes us to consider our motivation. As parents, we do not want to make choices for our kids from a place of anxiety — for example, the all-too-often parental “fear of falling behind” or “racing to get him/her ahead.”
Instead, we strive to make a decision from a place of trust and love. Will our child grow positively from this experience? Will we see smiles and laughter? Will our child’s confidence increase? If we can answer these types of questions positively, chances are that we’re leaning into a new activity for the right reasons.
The second question — does this activity fit us well as a family — recognizes that we are a family unit. We have multiple responsibilities and opportunities, and consequently we need to consider the overall family fit.
As we continue our journey as a family of four, we understand that this balancing act does not have a single correct answer. But if we’re asking the right questions, we’re pretty confident that the answers — whatever they may be — will bring us all joy, happiness, and growth.